Untitled

What Wanders ~ Yazmin Monet Watkins

I Am On A Journey to My Center... Join Me For The Journey




I feel like I speak with a borrowed tongue
In the language of an oppressor
English does not feel like a place to call home.


-


I imagine all the possible dialects I could have come from
And try on creole? try on Yoruba?  
Like a young girl in her mother’s clothes
Too big, too complicated
More fabric weaved in to all my flags 
Than I know what to do with.
I don’t fully understand why


-


English feels like a foreign language
When this is all I know of nation:
My race my class my gender my sexuality 

All reminders of why I am more second class 

Than citizen 
Born in a country where my children 

are not safe from unjust laws 

with infrastructures built to oppress 
Feeling anything but 

Home
I wear this red, white & blue with trepidation
A wary outsider within
A complicated history 
Whispers of forgotten stories

And lack of representation
More question mark
Than origin tale


-


I know nowhere is perfect.
But all I’ve got for background
Is my grandparent’s light skin 

Gene expressing in my own

From the South without much collective memory
Our family tree has no crest.

No tidy explanation of our generations 

Just blank empty roots dangling in our family tree:

Wondering
Who was my grandmother’s mother 

and the mothers’ mothers before them?

What branch were they plucked from?

What languages did they leave back home?

Where did they learn to speak?

[Sorry (not sorry) plantation ain’t good enough]
I wonder what my voice would sound like 
Without the erasure
Without the colonization

-


Sometimes I dream of
Flying places
Even my ancestors do not remember

A space where our true song and dance

Drums deep in our speech pattern

The floral rhythm of rolling r’s
Full of mango and spice 

I am an orphan 
Robbed from a dialect
I will never get to move in to
I wish I knew where my blood comes from.

Perhaps that is why there is such an irresistible urge to travel

Wander lusting in my bones

Always searching for some place 

To call home.

+  05:21 pm, by jazyyazi4
Notes
  1. jazyyazi posted this